worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
