I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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