Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
