fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
