come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
