i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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