What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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