I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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