we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
