What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
