I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
