dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
