a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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