Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
