The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
