Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
