The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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