Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
