Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
