Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
