I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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