I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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