Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
