im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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