just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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