Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
