I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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