I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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