i don't like sucking hair
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
