I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You ruined the universe
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
