We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
