JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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