literally had 100 drinks last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize