How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
