Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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