He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
