i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
