We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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