I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
