Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
