i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
