His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize