Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize