She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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