; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
