no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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