Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
