I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
