genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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