On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm really into asian looking animals
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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