I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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