EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my shit smells like andre
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
