i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
