I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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