Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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