Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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