Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
