literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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