There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
