Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
