So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
