I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
did you just send me my own nude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize