literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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