I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize