I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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