Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
