Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
