You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
